im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
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You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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