he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize