yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize