Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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