Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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