I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize