guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize