I'm jealous of your bromance
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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