my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize