Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
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I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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