I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
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Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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