My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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