i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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