Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize