Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
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My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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