I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
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