Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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