whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
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Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
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