last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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