She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
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Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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