i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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