Porn is love you can see.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize