I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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