Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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