remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize