he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
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Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
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Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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