I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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