I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Less talking, more tequila
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
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We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
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When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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