I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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