I just made out with a guy for $7.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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