I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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