Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
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I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
This is classic penis vs brain.
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I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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