could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
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