fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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