you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
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OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
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