i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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