I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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