Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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