I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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