I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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