2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize