Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
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I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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