It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
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