just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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