we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
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I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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