we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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