oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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