so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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