speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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