We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just threw up on my dentist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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